A New Australia Life Starts
03.15.08 (3:27 am) [edit]Beginning of a new chapter in my life, or rather 'our' life...
Hi, my name is J. Its been close to a month plus since I left Singapore to start a new chapter of my life here in Brisbane, Australia. I'm a Combat Officer with the RSN, after commission no choice since I did not get admitted into a local University, I choose to join my batchmates Nicholas & James for overseas studies here in University of Queensland (St Lucia) and of most people will envy me is that I did not come alone... My girlfriend came with me.
I have never really shown my appreciation for all the sacrifices she made and for all the things she gave up just to come here with me. But the thing is I have been a very bad boy, making her feel all these sacrifices are made in vain and she had doubts whether she had made the right choice to give up everything she had back home to be here with me. I know and yet I am not doing much about it people say, but then again sometimes I had also made sacrifices to come here and its not because I am rich and just want to spend some time away from work by coming all the way across ocean to study, its also because I want to be able to provide for her and our own little family in the future.
Many things have happened in just the past weeks. To her, I am still that mummy's boy and there are many things we should be settling ourselves instead of others settling for us, its a growing up experience for us and I agree, but sometimes its not exactly my choice. If I am still depending on my parents then how is she going to depend on me in future? I am sandwich between my mother and my baobei... Who can understand how I feel.
And now its been 1 month plus yet academically I felt I have not learn anything, I am still trying to get into the study mode but it seems like it needs more effort, I am here for my Hons and I really need to work hard, and I must say I not academically incline like my baobei yet I have so many other things on my mind, that is why i depend on others who can help me here and there for certain things so I don't have to shoulder everything myself but these made my baobei very unhappy.. I know she is unhappy but does she know I also need some people I can depend on so I can shift my focus to my studies?
"Baobei, no matter what I know you had made the choice of coming here with me and you love me, I love you too and I am not just someone who depends on my mother all the time, but then again I am not superman, I cannot one person handle every single detail in our lives, thats why sometimes I take the easy way out. These easy way out might have made you mad but its does not means I am dependent on others, maybe I have not achieve or been through something like you said others have, but still I had my fair share & experiences.
This Blog here is used as a tool of communication with my Baobei since she likes to read blogs and she just do not like to talk to me face to face, a need to improve our communications skills and I am trying hard. She ask me to write about her and tell others how much she loves me and how I bully her, but nevertheless I love you.
posted by: (reply)
post date: 03.14.08 (10:11 pm)
No.. I asked you to tell others how much you love me lah.
I know you're sandwiched. It's not that I don't want to give in. I just want you to do what is right. And that is to not over-depend on her even if she doesn't mind, or even want to let you depend on her. So you say you're sandwiched, then I just let it go? Then next time when we're getting married, we get our own place, she also want to make the decision for us, then you also tell me you sandwiched. So how? Everything let her decide? Cannot be right? Even if both of us are pressurizing you, you ownself should know how to make a right decision, and not just make the decision based on convenience sake, just so that you have less responsibilities?
You take the easy way out because it's right in front of you, cause she already offered to do everything for you. But it has to stop happening. You came here to study you should know that exam or no exam, we have to do everything by ourselves. It's no excuse that because you are not as academically inclined, then you are allowed to depend on others.
And don't talk about academically inclined or not. I've been studying like it's the exam period already, you think I like to study? But also because I want to get my honours so I put my heart in it. You know how lost I have been in the english history module? But I'm still reading and studying, trying harder to understand.
I know you're not superman, I'm not superwoman either. But these things I believe we still can do by ourselves. Note: It's not by yourself, or by myself. It's by OURSELVES. Not anybody else too.
Next time instead of saying 'don't need to come', you can try saying 'don't come'. 'Don't need' is just saying that 'You don't have to come, but you can, if you want to.' And as if you don't know she wants to come. And you could always remind her that you're not the only one staying here. It's not just her and you in your world.